Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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