i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bring money and cleavage
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
