Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
