dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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