mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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