I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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