Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
