i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
