Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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