So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
