How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
