shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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