If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
