12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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