her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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