Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
