I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
