I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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