he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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