me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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