i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
