??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
