party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
