dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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