I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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