I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
