I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
