is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
