What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
