U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
