it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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