its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She told me I should be a condom model.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
