i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
