just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Enjoy the penises
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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