he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
