soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
