just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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