Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
