Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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