i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
