Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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