Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
