I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
