Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you had me at cake vodka
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
