maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
