I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
