The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
