so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
