I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
