Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
