I'm laying in your front yard are you home
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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