theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
