i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
