Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
