and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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