if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
