K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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